Love is truly in the air this week. I've been getting a lot of questions about love and what determines if you are in love or not.
The truth is the only person who can answer that question is you. A lot of factors come into play when discussing love. From my own personal experience I've loved, and I've loved hard. To all my fellow leo's out there you know that once we're all in, we're in. The first step is being vulnerable. It is not easy to wear your heart on your sleeve especially after a harsh breakout. Giving people your heart over and over again is hard. Trust me I know. However you will never overcome fear and holding back until you unleash yourself. You will never meet the love of your life by having a huge wall up. My advice is to pray about it. God will never bring someone into your life who isn't supposed to be there. They will be a lesson or a blessing. There's only one way to find out. Through my personal experience with love I've been fortunate to come across love in various ways. It taught me the importance of loving myself and that no human on this earth could love me more than I love myself. It wasn't until I got hurt when I began to grow mentally. Now I know what love isn't, what it is, and what it can be. Love to me is looking at someone and seeing a reflection of someone you can't live without. A person you look up to and admire. They have best friend qualities and you always have the urge to tell them every last thing that occurred throughout your day and life. You think they are perfect and can do no wrong. Love is blinding and can make you feel like you are on top of the world. You feel like you met your equal, and your partner. A person who completes you. You can communicate to them from across a crowded room and they can make you laugh and smile just by giving eye contact. After a long day, they are the only person you want to see or talk to. Only then is your day complete. They appreciate your flaws and will go above and beyond to help you grow in areas where you may need improvement. They are your go-to for advice. If you need someone to vent to about an annoying friend they always cosign with the best shade. They tell you when you are wrong even if it will make you mad. They understand you inside and out and can tell if there is something bothering you through a simple text message, or the tone in your voice. Love is about understanding, empowering, and believing in one another. As cliche as love may be it is a feeling I want everyone in the world to feel. So many people think love is dumb and will never happen for them, but that is not true. As I preach all the time, self-love is the best love. Be your best support system first, before allowing another soul into your heart. That's the best way to know what love is. Once you receive it from yourself you will know what love is when it comes to you. Not when you "find" it, but when it comes. What is your definition of love? Share in the comments below!
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So what is a love language? Your love language is how you receive love from others, and how you like to show your love to the people around you. It can range from receiving gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, or acts of service. Do you get happiness from surprise presents after a long day of work, or do you enjoy a chill night sitting on the couch and watching movies ? It is important to know what your love language is so that the person you are dating, or in a relationship with knows how to effectively show their love towards you in a way that registers with your core values. If the guy you are dating has a love language of giving gifts, but your love language is quality time there will be a huge disconnect. I know a lot of people who absolutely hate receiving gifts. They prefer to receive their love in simple ways through words of affection or a nice massage. Your significant other should be able to guess what your love language, if not just simply tell them. Don't know your love language? Take the quiz here! Share this post with someone who needs to learn what their love language is. Sigh, where do I even begin...
Ladies and gents we all have a list or criteria of what we "want" in a significant other. She has to know how to cook, he needs to have a job and a car, she needs to have good credit, he needs to be goal-oriented, I need her to be independent, and the list goes on. The real checklist that needs to be made is do you possess any of those traits you are looking for in someone else? Perception is key. In the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey, he makes such a great example about the personality ethic. He explains that a new level of thinking would be an inside-out approach as opposed to outside-in. He states that we need a new, deeper level of thinking. It is a principle-centered, character-based, inside-out approach for personal and interpersonal effectiveness. It means to first start with yourself before making any "lists." Look towards the inner most part of yourself where your character and motives are. It will enable you to see things differently. If you want to have a successful relationship, you have to be the kind of person who generates positive energy and overcomes negativity rather than empowering it. If you want to have a checklist of traits you are seeking in someone else, you must first become it. It celebrates private victory, allowing you to make promises to yourself before making them to someone else. The result of creating a list of traits first, creates the outside-in paradigm. It will create an unhappy, victimized, and immobile individual. Someone who feels stuck and stagnant. It brings out the weak person who creates excuses for people who do not meet their "needs." When in reality they are the problem. They allowed a person who met the needs of their "list" come into their life before reevaluating themselves. Everything was so perfect in the beginning until the dust settled and the real them began to show. Their values and morals did not match what you sought after in your "list." So now what? Change them? No, you need have an inside-out approach and ask yourself what is important to you. Understand YOUR needs and then try to understand there's. Not the other way around. Your morals and values come first because they are the things that make you who you are. If you feel the need to create a list, make it a personal one about you. What are your pet peeves, what makes you happy, what is your love language, how do you receive love, what is your favorite quality in your best friend? Get to know yourself before making a huge drastic list of supernatural things that you can find in anyone. Get your copy of Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People here! Share this post with someone who needs to stop creating lists to paint the perfect picture of their ideal partner #LoveYourselfFirst Okay fellas we get it, we're annoying. We know that all you wanted to do was have fun and not have a "title." But guess what, we want to know what this is that we're doing. Another day shall not come until we have this here conversation.
Ladies, here are 5 things you need to say during the what are we convo. 1. What are we? This is for the ladies who do not have a filter and want to know straight out the gate what is this? You've been dating for about a year, you still haven't met the family, and you feel like you're being hidden. Just simply ask, what are we? Be mindful of timing. Don't ask this question after an argument or after you saw that he posted a picture of his female best friend on Instagram. Don't be petty about it. 2. I need transparency. A lot of people think that being in a relationship or dating is irrelevant and the only thing that is important is the "ring," or marriage. No one realizes that there will be no "ring" or marriage if you do not have transparency during the dating stage. If you are being hesitant to call someone your girlfriend how will you be confident to call them your wife? You need to tell him that you need to know where the relationship is going and set goals for the next step if that is what you want. 3. I feel like I'm wasting my time. This is a bit drastic and can come off like you're being the victim. Rule number one in asking what are we is to be confident within yourself first. If you know what you want in a husband and you feel like you are not getting those traits from your significant other, then you need to move on. Some guys date with the intention of just having fun. Don't fall victim to someone like that if you were expecting more to come from it. Don't end up on the #wastemytime2016 meme. 4. What are your expectations for this relationship? One thing I've learned about men is that they are very sensitive creatures and they know what they want early on. You can usually tell what a man's expectations are from the start. So if you have to ask this question one year in, then something isn't right. 5. I want you Are you being transparent? Women wear their heart on their sleeves and believe that it tends to get broken all the time from saying things like "I want you," or "I really like you." The funny thing is, men prefer this. Be transparent and don't be afraid to say how you feel. If they don't feel the same way then they are not the one. The what are we conversation is so awkward. You don't want to come off like you are putting pressure on him or like you are forcing him to make things official. In my opinion, if you have to ask this question then you should already know what the answer will be.... Comment below with your thoughts about the what are we conversation do you think it is necessary to have? |