Yes I got your attention! One of my pet peeves is when I see someone (man or woman) settling for a person that does not meet their standards. A person that is “less” than you does not mean you are better than them. It simply means that they do not live UP to the values and morals that you believe in. Your values and morals are up high because they are important to you. So if the person does not meet them, they are less than you. This is also known as settling.
Here’s an example. I have a friend who is very goal-driven and hardworking. Her boyfriend has no goals. She believes that because he is young and is going through a phase, he will eventually get it together. She buys him books on setting goals, encourages him that he is capable to achieve anything, and she even leads by example by accomplishing her own goals. Now let’s fast forward 3 years. Do you guys think he became goal oriented? He didn’t. He is still living in his comfort zone. One thing I’ve learned from experience is that YOU cannot change people. Even if you hold their hand and change their diaper, they still have to want it for themselves first. A lot of people think that they have the power to change their significant other. You can’t. A person can be inspired and influenced by someone but they have to mentally see the change for themselves. Not to impress you, not to keep you from leaving them, and not to make you happy. When you date “less” than you, you are downgrading your own progress in life. I appreciate the people who believe that they can help and guide the person they are dating or in a relationship with. They don’t realize that they should be exerting that same amount of energy into their own growth. One quote I like to live by is “Love you, and be loved.” You attract the company you keep. If you settle for someone who does not meet your morals and values you are settling. You set the standard for the people you want in your life. Unleash yourself from the people who need their own personal development, or guidance. The journey towards becoming a more confident you, starts with reevaluating the people around you...
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Soooo you guys spent NYE separately... What does that mean? Some women believe that "dating" is the same as being in a relationship. However there is said to be a big difference between the two. Some women are fearful to ask the "what are we?" question so we interviewed 50 men and asked them what defines being in a relationship vs. dating. Here were some of their responses. The age group responses were mostly between the ages of 26-30 What is your definition of "dating?" Anonymous Respondent: Getting to know someone Anonymous Respondent: Courting someone in the hopes of getting to know someone better or smashing Anonymous Respondent: Period of mutual time spending, getting to know one another and spending time with one you're interested romantically Anonymous Respondent: Consistently going out with another person to better understand them and possibly consider forming a relationship with them. Anonymous Respondent: Getting to know a person, and deciding to pursue them with a future What is your definition of being in a relationship? Anonymous Respondent: Unconditional love Anonymous Respondent: Committing yourself to someone Anonymous Respondent: Being exclusive to the one that you are "dating" Anonymous Respondent: Creating a bond of trust and support with a significant other. Anonymous Respondent: Pursuing a future which includes marriage with no hesitation Do you think it is necessary to ask a woman to be your girlfriend in order for the relationship to be deemed "official?"Most of the men I interviewed between the ages of 26-30 stated that it was not necessary to ask a woman to be your girlfriend. They said that it is usually an automatic thing and it is assumed that they are "official." They also said that broadcasting it isn't needed if both parties have already discussed what it is they are doing. It's not necessary to make a huge proposal announcement to make the relationship official. Men between the ages of 20-25 stated that it is necessary to ask a woman to be your girlfriend in order for it to be "official." I noticed that the younger the guy, the more they said that it was necessary. Men closer to the age of 30 do not feel the need to do a proposed "ask." My theory is that men closer to 30 are thinking about someone they want to potentially marry and asking someone to be their girlfriend is a big deal. They feel extra committed. They don't want to keep being in random relationships. They know what they want, and they take their time to get to know the person they are dating. Men between the ages of 20-25 are still having fun. Asking a woman to be their girlfriend is equivalent to passing a note in class and circling yes or no. They are coming from the high school and college phase with the mindset that asking a woman to be their girlfriend is not that big of a deal. They see it as, we are going to have fun together, get to know one another, and grow mentally. How many dates do you need to go on before solidifying that you are in a relationship?This question obviously varies depending on the person. I wanted to ask this question to get a rough number of dates it takes to move to the next step. It will definitely vary on the connection and the energy between both parties. But in reality how many dates are you going to go on to really know if you want to take it to the next level. Between 4-8 seems reasonable to know if you like the person or not and if you even want to continue to go out with them.
The survey results were very interesting to me. I think it is important to have transparency when you are in a relationship. A lot of women just skate along in relationships without knowing if it will lead to anything just because they don't want to be alone. They'll also just date guys for years without knowing if they are official or not. It is important to have that conversation when you feel like "dating" is becoming more than that. Don't assume. Ask questions. Ask for transparency. Being in a relationship does not have to be a broadcast message, however it does need to be a conversation in order for growth to take place. I'm curious to know what your definition of dating and being in a relationship is. Leave a comment below, let's discuss! |