Sigh, where do I even begin...
Ladies and gents we all have a list or criteria of what we "want" in a significant other. She has to know how to cook, he needs to have a job and a car, she needs to have good credit, he needs to be goal-oriented, I need her to be independent, and the list goes on.
The real checklist that needs to be made is do you possess any of those traits you are looking for in someone else?
Perception is key. In the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey, he makes such a great example about the personality ethic. He explains that a new level of thinking would be an inside-out approach as opposed to outside-in.
He states that we need a new, deeper level of thinking. It is a principle-centered, character-based, inside-out approach for personal and interpersonal effectiveness.
It means to first start with yourself before making any "lists." Look towards the inner most part of yourself where your character and motives are. It will enable you to see things differently.
If you want to have a successful relationship, you have to be the kind of person who generates positive energy and overcomes negativity rather than empowering it. If you want to have a checklist of traits you are seeking in someone else, you must first become it.
It celebrates private victory, allowing you to make promises to yourself before making them to someone else.
The result of creating a list of traits first, creates the outside-in paradigm. It will create an unhappy, victimized, and immobile individual. Someone who feels stuck and stagnant. It brings out the weak person who creates excuses for people who do not meet their "needs." When in reality they are the problem.
They allowed a person who met the needs of their "list" come into their life before reevaluating themselves. Everything was so perfect in the beginning until the dust settled and the real them began to show. Their values and morals did not match what you sought after in your "list." So now what? Change them?
No, you need have an inside-out approach and ask yourself what is important to you. Understand YOUR needs and then try to understand there's. Not the other way around. Your morals and values come first because they are the things that make you who you are.
If you feel the need to create a list, make it a personal one about you. What are your pet peeves, what makes you happy, what is your love language, how do you receive love, what is your favorite quality in your best friend? Get to know yourself before making a huge drastic list of supernatural things that you can find in anyone.
Get your copy of Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People here!
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