This post is long overdo. Nothing pains me more than seeing a woman who treats a boyfriend like a husband. Now this can be debated all day long but from experience and witnessing this from so many people I know, this is definitely becoming a growing issue.
My goal for #2017 was to mind my buisness but since it's only the 2nd day of the new year I think it's okay to renege on that for one minute.
We can't have this discussion without defining what a boyfriend is and what a husband is.
A boyfriend is someone who you are dating, connecting with (mentally, spirtually, & emotionally), getting to know inside and out, being there for them no matter what, and geninuely being their best friend.
A husband is someone who you have taken an oath & vow with under God who you have now become one with. You now have shared finances, a shared home, and will now be one spirtually and on paper.
See the difference?
When girlfriends are connecting with someone extremely well they start treating their boyfiend like a husband. They will start cooking and cleaning in their partners apartment, doing their laundry, staying at their apartment beyond their comfort limit, and just truly going overboard. This gives the boyfriend the opportunity to get comfortable. Why put a ring on it if he's already getting everything.
There needs to be a boundary during the dating stage. For me, I refused to play house at my boyfriends house. It gave me no validation to have my clothes or tooth brush at his house. I wanted more for us.
I wouldn't stay more than 2 nights there. I had my own life, goals, opportunities, and responsibilities. He loved my independence and started to want to get more serious because I gave him something to miss about me, my presence. I wasn't all up on him 24/7 and he didn't have all my things at his place to look at. We established a boundary between dating and acting like we are married.
When you treat your boyfriend like a husband he will remain your boyfriend for a lot longer. Try to fall back a little bit and allow them to see you from a distance. You will learn a lot more about each other than you think...
Too many inquiries about chasing men. Ladies listen, men do not get chased, dogs do. A man who is interested in you will do everything in his power to make sure you know that. If you are constantly being sent to voicemail or texting him and getting late responses you need to move on.
Women are persistent creatures and we want what we want. It's not easy for us to give up on people either. We are strong lovers and quick to react. We care so much about everyone's feelings and we love ensuring that everything around us is okay. Have you ever asked yourself what do I want? What do I want out of a relationship? What do I want out of life?
I choose me. I choose my happiness, I choose my peace, I choose my worth, and I choose my peace of mind. We as women have to stop reaching. We reach and we reach for things that are unreachable.
We want marriage, we want a relationship, we want kids before a certain age. We don't want to choose ourselves though. What's wrong with catering to yourself. What's wrong with going on a spontaneous solo vacation? What's wrong with catching an early morning matinée by yourself? We need to find that inner happiness before accepting another soul into our lives.
Why do we rush!!! No seriously why? We see our age rising to 30 and we start panicking. Like oh no I'm almost 30 and I kinda wanted to get married before that. But why? After 30 you are going to be slayyyyyyed to the Gods. 30 year old women are so sure of themselves that men are magnetized towards them. In our late 20's we scare them away because the only thing on our mind is marriage. Every conversation starts with marriage and every conversation ends with marriage.
I choose me. I don't want to chase anymore. I don't want to "look" or "seek" anymore. I want to be found. My radiance of choosing my happiness over anyone else's will exude through my soul. I won't have to do anything but be me.
Yes, I know this response seems self explanatory but let's actually think this through...
Once a cheater always a cheater, we get it, we all make mistakes right?
I'm going to single out the men or "boys" right now. From experience, I've noticed that there are different types of cheaters.
There are men who cheat and always cheat again.
There are men who cheat and consider it "not cheating."
Then there's men who slipped up and cheated, but you know they won't do it again. (Like Derwin on The Game!)
When considering if you should date a cheater or not you should ask these questions.
What did you do?
Why did you do it?
Did you tell your significant other?
Responses I've heard are "I was young and made a mistake," "My girl was too busy," "I didn't want to hurt my current girlfriend by breaking up with her so I just explored other women while being in a relationship." (i.e.: having your cake and eating it too) "She tempted me and made me do it."
So based off of those responses, if a man blames the woman for their actions, THEY ARE NOT THE ONE. I'll write this again. If a man blames another human being for THEIR actions do not date them.
A man or woman takes responsibility for their mistakes or actions and grows from them. Cheating can be forgiven if the man or woman acknowledges it by stating that it was their own fault and actually take responsibility for it.
History repeats itself and it will happen again if you do not approach this the right way. Get all the information you need and make a rational decision based on how they respond. It's never good to judge someone based on their past, so knowing how they presently respond or defend their past actions shows true character.
Would you guys ever date a cheater? Comment below!
So your friends finally convinced you to start online dating, and you feel like you've officially hit rock bottom. First, I just want to commend you for stepping out on faith and letting go of your comfort zone to meet new people, because Lord knows that is not easy.
Online dating can be fun, but it is all about approach, perception, and identity.
Falls under positivity and negativity. You will either approach online dating with a positive outlook or a negative mindset.
You will state something like:
"I don't even want to do this it's so dumb," (negative approach)
"All these guys will be hideous and have nothing to offer me," (negative approach)
"I can't wait to meet someone new so I can learn what type of guys mesh with my personality," (positive approach),
"I am really looking forward to connecting with someone who is down to earth," (positive approach).
I can't stress enough why it is important to have a positive approach before online dating. If you don't then you shouldn't even create the account. It will be a waste of time. Going into online dating being negative will only lead to a negative outcome. If you actually meet someone who could be potential, you will over look them because you went into the experience negatively.
Why are you online dating? Are you expecting to fall in love or just have fun? Before you even create the account you should have some sort of perception of what you want. It could be just exploring, or actually finding something serious. There have been so many success stories with online dating and yours could be one of them if you have the right approach.
I always tell people that expectations can lead to disappointment. If you are expecting to fall in love over the internet it is definitely risky. But that is what stepping out on faith is all about, taking a chance. It is normal to be afraid to open your heart to a random stranger online but it is the same concept of opening yourself to a random stranger at a bar. Yes, you see them in person but you still don't know their real situation. Either way you look at it, you are meeting someone for the first time and it will be risky whether it is online or in person. I'm sure you guys all saw the movie The Perfect Guy with Michael Ealy and Sanaa Lathan.
Know Your Identity
Who are you? Trying to find love online before finding yourself is a set up. Know who you are before seeking a partner. You will find yourself looking for traits that you don't even possess. Some people go searching for the perfect person and never find them, because the person they are searching for is in the mirror. Learn who you are before searching for traits online. Take our love language quiz below and really get to know who you are. Write down your traits of what you have to offer first. It will make a huge impact before online dating.
This is important because if you are not confident within yourself first you will meet a guy who will have the potential to break you mentally and emotionally. When you enter any relationship, date, or meeting, confidently, you are open to failure and being okay with it not working out. So they didn't call you or text back that's fine add them to the blocked list. So they said you weren't their type. That's fine, you already know you're beautiful so it's their loss. Never allow comments like that to affect you, you're poppin' so brush it off and keep it moving.
Dating comes with rejection so you have to be secure within yourself in order to dismiss it. Never take it personally. There is someone out there for everyone. Have a positive outlook, clear perception, and know your identity and you will be perfectly fine.
Watch the video below of my super amazing former coworkers at VH1 online dating using Tinder, Soul Swipe, and Bumble.
Share this post with someone who is considering online dating!